In 1986, I was dying, literally, when I met my LORD and Saviour, Jesus Christ. He invited me to have a relationship with Him...I said "YES!"...because I had never known LOVE like that before--ever.
In 1987, He told me to start going to church...I balked...because I wanted it to be just me and Him and my Bible--forever. But, He gently persuaded me that this was a good thing.
In 1988, He told me to do my baptism like a wedding...I obeyed...because I wanted to please Him--more than anything in life. It was a genuine "Honeymoon".
Then, I started having blackouts. I didn't know what was happening to me. This went on for months. I was confused and scared.
In 1989, He told me that I was going to have to "look at the sexual abuse issues" in my life...I panicked...because that was the one thing in life I didn't think I could live through--again. I begged and pleaded with Him not to make me do it. I felt I would go insane.
When He wouldn't back off of that subject...I ran away from Him...because I didn't trust Him with that area of my life--the "Honeymoon" was over. We had just had our first fight.
In 1990, I had an accident that nearly cost me my life. My "Bridegroom" said to me, "This is the last call."...I surrendered, finally, even though I knew it meant I would lose my mind...because I would rather endure that than be separated from Him--eternally.
It was after I submitted myself under His hand that I wrote "In Secret Places".
It wasn't for another year, or more, until I came upon Jeremiah 23:23, 24 in the New King James version of the Bible…I was stunned…because I had no idea that the words "in secret places" were in His Word--until then.
For the next eighteen years, He told me to "Write."...I didn't...because fear and terror had a stranglehold on me--and it was that, and the disobedience, that almost stole my sanity.
In 2008, I finally created a blog...there's still nothing there--yet.
In February 2009...I was in anguish...because I felt I had committed the unpardonable sin for not writing--for so many years.
I joined an online Christian women's neighborhood in March, after staying up all night searching for blogs and bloggers who wrote about writing, abuse, trauma, addictions and how they survived it in Christ.
I've spent the last year trying to get comfortable writing to women about the hard stuff...only somewhat successfully...because I had lost my voice--in infancy.
In January 2010, the LORD opened my spirit to know that "This is the year" that what He asked of me will happen.
In February 2010 I started this new blog...still scared "to tell", but in faith...because He will bring me through this--with a sound mind and healed spirit.
In the decades since I've been trying to deal with all of this, I have learned..."The only way over is through"...and, it's not just for me--it's for you, too.
I have never known Him to bless just one person in any situation; He always produces a "win-win". And 2010 is the year I believe He is going to bring unimaginable healing into the lives of the walking wounded of the world.
In my mind's eye, I see Him directing us to form a human chain that reaches down into the darkest depths of hell we have endured, meets Him at the Cross, and then carries us all the way to His throne.
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